It's about love...
and the ethnically correct Santa...

63/100

So, my hiatus is complete and I have returned to blogging. After a month of not writing my blog, I miss it. There is a comfort in reaching that 100 status and I plan on completing what I have started.

I wrote a blog for my 43rd birthday last Wednesday. I chose not to publish it, but it got me back into the spirit of writing. I can't promise every day like before, I have to travel again to Ohio and such...but for now? I'm going to dedicate myself to being healthy physically and mentally. Blog writing? Helps me with the mental piece and I'm swimming again for the physical piece, so little by little :)

I decorated my house this past weekend. I put up the Santa head that belonged to my mother from the 1950s. I put up my Christmas tree - my house smells so good. I am going to bake Christmas cookies this week and I made more apple butter. I put on my Christmas music... Andy Williams, Burl Ives, Brenda Lee... 

Hello, 'ethnically correct Santa'

And this week, in some of my classes. We're watching Christmas specials. Oh I know... Christmas is all commercialized. It's a crime. It's not about Christ... but Christmas to me? Wasn't really ever about 'Christ' or the presents. (okay *maybe* it was about the Christmas specials! Hermey, Yukon Cornelius, Heat Miser, etc. - I may have to do a blog JUST about Christmas specials!) I mean going to midnight mass was something I enjoyed doing as a kid... but as an adult I realize more and more that this holiday season is about love.

When I come home from work and see the Santa head above the fireplace in my house, I feel like the world is all in order. I love Christmas. I love the music, the food, the energy, the joy... I love the fresh tree and the decorating. I love how happy I feel. My sister and I aren't even buying gifts this year. I don't care. It's not about the gifts. It's about being together as a family. The past partners I've had in my life haven't really appreciated that in me. That need for family. That love of this time of year. The joy I have in singing to the Carpenter's Christmas album in my car... Seeing snow. The crisp air. They've rolled their eyes, insisted on a plastic tree, never ONCE helped me decorate the house. I was always saddened by this. Found myself feeling alone in my love for this time of year.

I recognize and appreciate all the traditions that are involved with this time of year. I know people who celebrate the solstice, who celebrate Hanukkah, who celebrate Sweet Lucia traditions , I don't know that I particularly care how people celebrate this season. What I care about is love and being part of a family.

In many ways, this time of year reminds me of how much I miss people I once considered family who are now, no longer in my life. You come to love people as part of your family and then life changes and those people are no longer your 'sister' or your 'mother' or your 'dad' or 'brother'. It becomes odd because your former partner has moved on and it is awkward trying to figure out how those people still fit in your life. You don't love them any less, certainly. I always send them love at this time of year - even if we don't see each other or get to talk. And for those, like my mom and grandparents, who are no longer in my life physically, but who never leave my heart, they are remembered as well.

Family. It is why I love this time of year. Because when I see my dad walking and getting stronger every day, I realize how close I was to not having him here this year. When I look back at how wonderful and supportive my extended family was when my sister and I were going back and forth between the hospital and our beds? Some of which I haven't seen in so many years, still opened their homes and hearts. When my sister sits next to me at Penn and Teller and we just look at each other and laugh because we don't even need to speak, I am grateful for having an incredibly precious bond with her. Because the people I work with feel like family and this time of year I feel so appreciative of my job and the people that work so hard to make our school the warm, inviting, caring and supportive place it is. And because 'you' read my blog - whoever 'you' are, I am grateful to you. For loving me, for leaving me notes, both here and in my 'inbox', and for all the support and joy you've brought me in my life.

Because this holiday season, in my life, is all about love.

Peace,

MaryKate