Monday, August 25th. Today marks the one year anniversary of my life changing.
I went from living a life of "me"- my choices and my decisions, to living a life of 'we'.
And everything shifted.
And my heart cracked open.
And all the colors of the world became brighter.
I can not say it has made my life easier. That wouldn't be honest - only having to attend to my own needs was much easier. But when I look at my life, I can no longer imagine my life as my own. My life may not be easier, but it is fuller, richer and better. No matter what happens in the future, having her here has forever changed my 'now'.
I was told when I was in my 20s that I couldn't have children. My mom took DES when she was pregnant with me and having a child wasn't really in my cards. And that was okay. I taught school. I had kids around me ALL THE TIME.
But life has a way of moving and flowing - and anyone who knows me knows my life is seldom quiet and simple.
So much has changed in a year. I have gained friends, strengthened friendships I treasured already, and lost loves. I have learned more about myself in these past 12 months than I have in the past 12 years. I have grown in so many ways: as a partner, as a mother, as a human being. It has even reminded me to take better care of myself - I have a strong reason to be healthier now.
I have been angry. I have been hurt. I have cried. I have laughed harder than ever before in my life. I have felt helpless and empowered. And I wouldn't change one moment of it. Not one. Having a daughter has changed my life - and those changes have helped me grow and become more compassionate, more open and more honest. Even when I wasn't gentle with my honesty, I still believe being honest has been an important part of the two of us turning into a family.
Because my life ebbs and flows, I can't say what will happen tomorrow. I can't fully predict where we will be or what life will be showing us... what I can predict is that no matter where she is, she will have a part of my heart no one else has - maybe because I didn't even know it was there until she showed it to me.
Love,
MaryKate
cue music:
(released the year I was born - 1967)
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
4 comments:
You expressed this beautifully. I love reading your blog, I feel what you are saying and I am honored to be a small part of your journey.
love you
lori
Lori,
It was so wonderful having you as part of our initial celebration a year ago! *I* am the one blessed to have you in our lives!!! <3 love you, too.
Yours is such a wonderful mother-child story. I love every mention of the way your lives have entwined as they appear on Facebook. Your description of parenthood is spot on. Like you, I wasn't fully my best self until I became a parent. I didn't know that was true until my world changed. I am so touched that your experience has caused you such similar changes even though our paths were not the same. Thank you for always articulating your journey so beautifully. I am better for having your words as part of my life. xoxoxo
Awww Kate, thank you. That was very kind. Being a 'mom' has changed me in so many ways. Not all of my relationships survived - however, the ones that did have become stronger for it. Yours is one of those.. *hugs* <3
and thanks for reading my words and appreciating them. That means a lot to me!
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