Recently, an NBC article talked about a nurse who agreed to take in the son of one of her patients. When the nurse met the dying mom, they felt an instant connection. The cancer was pretty severe but the patient, with a mother's instincts, instantly knew the nurse would be a perfect fit to raise her child when she passed.
I made a comment on the website that I had a somewhat similar experience. I was surprised by how many people made comments on my post. I had initially written to wish both women well. Even with an internet full of trolls, with the exception of one woman? The posts were incredibly supportive.
And some of them were also kind of weird.
Not just the people on Today.com but lots of my friends say phrases like,
"You're such a good person."
Am I? I mean I am, but not because I became a mom. I'm a good person for a lot of reasons, most of which have very little to do with being a mom by choice.
"There is a place in Heaven for you."
This one is particularly interesting, as I am not sure where I stand on the Heaven concept. I just hope I see Candace and others I love, wherever I end up landing.
"Do you know what an amazing thing it is that you have done?"
This one truly puzzles me. Seriously. I don't get it. I want to tell these people that I am the lucky one. I am the one with the incredible daughter. I am the one who gets to see my best friend's eyes reflected at me every single day. I am the one that gets to take my kid to a bar, because I am a good parent, darn it, so she can get her jersey signed by the hockey players she thinks are 'cute'. Me! How did I get so lucky?
Yes, there have been difficulties. Lots of them. And power struggles. And 'Seriously? Just empty the dishwasher!' comments...among many many others.
And yes, as much as my kid would like it (and believe me she would), every day together isn't full of Pegacorns and sparkly rainbows.
But I truly feel like I am the winner in this story. Even if it means my life is now more complicated. Certainly finding a date is a bit harder and finding someone who wants to navigate my busy life with me is more complicated... But honestly, I don't care that much. I had that crazy all encompassing love and it crashed so hard, and so disrespectfully that really - I feel like an 80s Tina Turner song sometimes.
I'm not focusing on what is difficult - there's no time for that.
Right now, I am focusing on running every other day. Heck, yesterday I managed week 4 day 1 (c25k) on my first try. I assure you, I could not have done that a month ago. It's a slow process, but I keep plugging along.
Right now, I am happy recognizing my family life is quite full. My joy is already doubled and my sorrow halved - all because I have another human being that needs me and that I need as well.
So no, I don't think I'm a hero. I don't think I'm special. I think I have a tremendous amount of love to give, my friends and family know that - my best friend especially knew that. And I feel fortunate that I have a kid in my life that wants and needs that love. It has given me direction, helped me mature and helped me make difficult decisions because my life is no longer just about me - it is about having a family and figuring out what is best for that family.
Right now, my life is about love. Or as Tina would sing, "What's Loooove got to do, got to do with it?
I think I'd tell Tina... 'everything'.
Peace,
MaryKate
No comments:
Post a Comment