Autumn Nights, Shifting Patterns
53/100

10/10/10, cool!

I've already talked about the joys of homemade apple butter, but there is something about the apple butter in my kitchen cooking that makes me so happy and comfortable. My whole house smells like Autumn. ahhh. It is the most relaxed I've felt in days.

I love the Autumn. I love the smell of the leaves, the colors, the fire in the fireplace. I have one going tonight. I don't need a fire, but it makes me happy to have one. I have always loved Autumn, ever since I was a child. My biggest struggle, is like the polar bear that wanders through my dreams, I pack on weight. As soon as the weather starts to change? My body goes through this 'pack on the weight' thing. *deep breath*

I'm trying to be aware this autumn and not 'eat so I can go hibernate' *chuckle*. I'm glad I'm taking the time to be aware of my body and make good choices.

I think life is full of patterns. Some of those patterns take me forward, some of those patterns aren't productive. I look at where I was at this time last year, the patterns that ruled my life. I'm glad I was able to step away from a pattern that wasn't working in a space where I was so unhappy, to find a more healthy pattern and a healthier way of seeing myself.

I have a long way to go, but in letting go of my drive to be 'perfect' and to keep 'control' of everything in order to appear like I have no faults, no struggles and no 'issues', I realize I am living a more authentic life. Living an authentic life, being present to struggle and honest with my successes and my stumbles is a lot harder than it seems. However, I believe the rewards for sticking this out, are worth it. Not to be some 'perfect size' or some 'perfect person' but to be a better person. A person who can act from a more compassionate place. A deeper spirituality and connection to myself and others. :).

So I'm going to snuggle by the fire tonight, and stir my apple butter and pet my cat.

Have a wonderful Autumn evenings everyone...

Peace,

MaryKate