The cost of integrity

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I am a parallel parking genius.

Well, until last Sunday, when I was sure I could fit my car into a spot that I realized, belatedly, was too small.

I did all the right moves, but ended up stuck between the curb and the big, brilliant, red Durango parked in front of me. Even though I tried really hard to unentangle myself from the mess, I ended up scraping bumpers with the Durango. Hard.

As I threw on my flashers and stopped my car so I could leave my name and number, the person I was with suggested I just leave. "It will be expensive", "People can be territorial about cars and can be crazy!", "That is what insurance is for...", "Just go, it's barely a scratch..."

So, even though I protested, I drove away.

I want to say here that I have no judgment about what people choose to do in situations like this. We have to listen to our heart and do what we think is the right thing to do. And honestly? It frustrates me that I drove away at all, but I did. Yet as I drove, I knew it was the wrong thing for me to do.

I told the person I was with that I really needed to go back and leave my name and number. And amid, "Let me out, you aren't thinking clearly..." comments, I left off the person I was with to get some coffee, and took a deep breath.

I turned around my car and headed back. Alone.

I do not doubt the situation could have gone horribly wrong. I've seen people get extremely angry. I once had a road rage experience with two guys in a truck. I wasn't going fast enough and didn't get out of the carpool lane fast enough for them to pass. They passed me on the LEFT of the carpool lane in the BERM screaming the whole time.  I got their license plate number and ended up calling the police because I was so frightened for the safety of me and my daughter.

About seven years ago, when I was t-boned, the woman who hit my car got a lawyer, sued my insurance company and walked away with a lot of money. A lot of money. She even got up on the witness stand (with her lawyer asking questions) and under oath, in the courtroom, lied to the judge about what I said at the scene. My car was totaled, hers was barely scratched, and she took me to court. And then lied about something I never said at the accident.

But even knowing that, even knowing that it could end up badly, I went back. Because that is what I knew I had to do. It would be a lie to say I wasn't a little scared. I mean, there I was, alone, having to tell someone, "Hey, I hit your car." But I believe in the goodness of people. I have been told I live in a 'make-believe world' where I think people are nice and kind and good and one day I will be in the real world and find out people aren't.  I'm not delusional - people can be cruel and back-stabbing and vicious, but I try to go with the good first. If I turn out to be wrong, I turn out to be wrong. I'm still going to believe in people and that they will do the right thing.

So as I drove back to the scene, the man who owned the Durango was standing next to his car with the driver's side door open, getting ready to leave. I opened my car window and shouted, "Hey, please don't leave, I hit your bumper and I want to give you my name and number." He hadn't even noticed I hit his bumper.

I parked my car a little distance away and walked up to him. He was older, had a cane and a worried look on his face. At first I thought he was worried about his car, but it turned out he was worried about me! He smiled at me and said, "Young woman, that was very good of you to come back." (When was the last time someone called me young woman? ha!). When I looked at the damage, I saw that I had scraped the bumper worse than what he realized. He was very kind. Told me not to worry about it, he had an employee who worked on cars and that guy could buff it right out. I looked at the bumper again and knew no buffing was going to fix the scrape. I wrote down my name and my number and gave it to him. He told me he hoped he didn't have to call and thanked me again for being honest.

He called today, and actually started off the call apologizing that he had to call me at all. I said to him, "I hit your car. I will take responsibility for it." He was very nice and we talked for about ten minutes. He told me his friend had buffed out the majority of the damage, but I had scraped off the paint and his friend would try to just sand and paint the area, but it might be that he needs to replace the bumper. I ended the call by saying, "I appreciate your integrity and concern, and I will make sure I take care of what happens. And I'm really sorry I hit your car. Please call me back when you know the cost and what you need from me." He thanked me again, and we hung up.

And so, it looks like the price of integrity might be financially expensive (how much does a new Dodge Durango bumper cost anyhow? ugh). However, it was never about the monetary cost - that doesn't matter; the price of walking away from my integrity would have been much, much higher.


Peace,
MaryKate

It really was worse than the pic makes it look...