Another day another rapture...
90/100

I woke up this morning. That in and of itself is probably fantastic, although I figured I'd be here in the morning no matter what the outcome of yesterday's Rapture.

I had some time to think this quiet Sunday morning about the whole mania over the 'big event' yesterday. I realized how fascinating it is that a human being would desperately cling to the notion of such a cruel god. Of a god that would slaughter so many for a handful of 'chosen' people. It is why I have always had an 'issue' with the idea of some big "God" event where some people would be more loved than other people. Perhaps it is why I end up with a more 'new' testament view of divinity than old testament. Of course... my view of god is bigger than either of those tomes...

I'm not a parent, although I sometimes play one on tv... or well at least at work. I find that while I like working with some of my students more than others, I don't 'love' some of my students more than others. As a parent, you may like some of your children more, but do you love some of your children more? As a healthy parent, do you play favorites with your kids? Do you refuse to love them if they don't follow everything you say? Do you hate them if they go off and live a lifestyle you may or may not choose to live yourself? Do you condemn them because they are different or they want pink hair? Do you resent their freedom and the beauty of life that they get to make crazy choices you wouldn't make if it was you? Do you deny them access to their home because they are different than the way *you'd* like things done? When they come to your door hungry and perhaps even strung out on poor choices, do you throw away the key and say "you aren't good enough to come into this house!" Now, I am not saying that if you bring in a child that is strung out that you give that child more drugs, but when the child is ready and asks for help, do you not find them a place or a person to help them? Is that not the weight of love?

My god is a god that doesn't throw me out at the door when I come home. My god is a god that if I don't live quite the way my god would like, my god knows that I am a child and I have to make my own choices. My god has given me some solid suggestions on how to live my life, but in the end? My god has also given me free will. My god loves me. My god says, "Hey, wanna sit and talk for a while? No? Too busy? Okay MaryKate, well I love you and I'd love to chat with you when you have some time." And I realize I am neglecting that part of myself and I sit down and have a chat with god. I don't blame my god for the bad things that happen in my life, any more than I blame my dad for that time I fell riding my bicycle or my mom for that time she didn't come get me from school when I was sick. Or my cat, who just brought a bird into my house, played with it but didn't quite kill it. And as I sit here holding the bird wrapped in paper towels to comfort it in its last few moments of life, it's tiny little black eyes not quite yet empty of whatever it is that makes a bird a bird and not just moving feathers and feet... I do not hate my cat. I do not throw my cat out for doing what a cat does. Granted, we humans can make different choices than cats, but in the end, I can not get angry at my cat for its very nature.

My god doesn't love me and smite all the others, my god loves. There is a difference.

Peace,

MaryKate