Once Upon a Time
92/100

Once upon a time, I was pretty sure I knew everything. I was pretty sure I had it all figured out.

Recently, I learned of another young person passing from the world. I wasn't close to her, but I have memories of loving her very much when she was younger. I particularly remember one day we walked together and talked about how hard it was to be 'different'. I don't know if she had any memory of that walk, but I do. I think of it from time to time. Her mother was a woman I respected and admired a great deal (I still do but present tense didn't quite fit the paragraph *smile*) and I felt lucky and honored to have known both her and her daughter. I am sure this isn't an easy time for their family.

J, a longtime friend of mine, asked me my thoughts on death. She asked if I thought the Creator gave all of us a certain 'amount' of time on this planet and when our time was up? Our time was up. Fifteen years ago? I would have had an answer. Now? I have a vague 'knowing' that is nothing even remotely like an 'Answer' with a capital A.

Here are my thoughts J, and these are only that... just my thoughts. But oddly, to tell them, I have to talk about my favorite Deep Space 9 character. The character's name is Odo and his species is called "Changling". Essentially, he can be any creature he wants, or a tree or any object he chooses to impersonate. He thinks he is alone in the universe, only to find out his species thrives and has sent him to learn all he can about the universe. Eventually he hears an internal 'program' and he returns 'home'. There he 'melts' into the liquid pool of his people and all that he is becomes all that they are. All that they are, become all that he is. Every time I watch the episode where he returns 'home', I cry. I cry because it calls to me. And something about it? Speaks truth.

That liquid pool of community? Well, I sort of see death as a returning of each of our spirits to the 'all there is'. How long we reside in this human experience with the notion that we are outside that pool of 'all there is'? Isn't nearly as important as the joy and sorrow, the success and falters, the passion and the apathy wrapped in all our experiences we bring with us and share of the time we are apart.

Do we all have a certain number of days all metered out that we get to use up until there is nothing left? I don't think so. I don't think it works like that. I think, perhaps, what we do here, what lives we touch and what moments touch our lives is much more important than how long we get to do it. Whether we die young or old, we hold a unique set of experiences that we will eventually share with 'all there is'. God is defined for *me*, not apart from us, but existing in the collective 'all' of us.

Quite a few years ago, I came home to Ohio during a particularly difficult time in my life. I felt lost; I felt my identity had disappeared with the end of a relationship. I had no idea who I was anymore. One day, while I was up at the Lake, I went swimming. It was evening, and I was the only one around. I stepped into the Lake and for a moment I was overwhelmed with memories of my past. As I walked deeper and deeper into the water, more and more memories of my childhood and life spent in connection with the Lake surfaced in me. I had the distinct feeling that the Lake had been holding my memories for just such a moment. A moment when I would come and ask to be reconnected to myself. Without getting too esoteric?  I felt the Lake reach out to me to comfort me. I heard many of the whispered prayers I had, over my life, imparted to the Lake. I felt the Lake giving back to me what it had been holding. As if it had been waiting all along for me to return.

Do we have a certain amount of time on this planet? I do not know. Do we have an arrangement with God before we get here about what we will do and who we will do it with? I do not know. What I do know? Is that all things we do are sacred. All things we do matter. Because all things we do connect us. There was no judgment in the memories the Lake held for me. To me? There is no judgement from God when we return to the 'all there is'. There is only love for us when it is our time to return home.

It is those of us left behind, believing we are apart from those we love, that weep.

Peace,

MaryKate