And? 

83/100

I had thought I'd be angry or sad or something today. I'm sort of empty I guess. One year ago, a choice I made a few months earlier, came to its end.

I'm not blaming or pointing the finger. I was hurt by how quickly another's attention moved on. I was sad about the lack of passion or determination to shift the dynamic. I was shocked by declarations of new beginnings before official endings...

I suppose in the end, I don't always want to know that I was correct in some decisions. I want to think I am worth fighting for... that being loved by me and my loving is worth the risk. I try hard to take the high road. A year later? I feel that I am still doing that. Taking the high road. Even when I have had my moments of anger, frustration and out and out humiliation, I still say positive things and hold to some difficult but accurate truths.

And in the end... I still think it was worth the risk. I still think there was great potential and honest affection. In the end, I have days where I still wish for a different ending. But in the end, I wouldn't go back to the situation as it was... because in the end, I'm not the same person who walked down the aisle nor am I the same woman who walked away.  I have learned and continued to learn a great deal about myself;  I have learned and continue to learn a great deal about others.

I do not believe much in regrets. Wallowing in self pity or martyrdom isn't my style. In the time from beginning to end, I met some wonderful people, loved some wonderful people and today, I miss some wonderful people. Some, to be honest, were not so wonderful, but I suppose that is how life works. Some people you connect with some people you simply don't.

Today, I believe I am more loving, more capable of being loving, and more connected to my spirit. I have come a long way in a short time. I'm grateful to every single person that held my hand, laughed with me, cried with me and loved me. It's been a roller coaster year. There were many days in the last 364 when I wished I'd had a hand to hold. The nice thing, all of you that volunteered.

It's good to know that true love does exist. And it is in the hand of every person that was willing to open up his/her heart, willing to be vulnerable and honest with me and love me for who I am. I hope, in some small measure, I was able to return that to all of you.

Thanks y'all, (and you know who you are) that made a difficult year so endurable, so enjoyable, who helped me see truth for what it was (even when I wanted to make it rosey) and who helped me back on my feet to face the day with determination and a smile.

:)
Peace,
MaryKate