Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Intuition or Insecurity?

24/100

I can't think tonight. I am struggling with some emotional baggage and I can't see my way through it. Plus? I'm exhausted. Which doesn't help. I can't figure out if what I am feeling is my intuition telling me to prepare for the worst, or if it is my insecurity telling me don't even try to hope for the best.

These two thoughts both swirl around my head. Sometimes when I have a feeling in my gut, my instincts are so clear... I can tell "This is your intuition MK,  telling you dive in and give it your all!" or "Hey, MK this is your intuition telling you it is time to moooooove on" and I trust it. I have spent a long time learning to honor that voice inside that whispers to me about choices I need to make. But at the same time? I still struggle with the voice that comes from insecurity. Is it just fear that makes me feel this anxious? Is it fear that is running my gut? Is it my insecurity that is warning me to prepare for the worst?

Right now, I am taking a deep breath and processing my feelings. I think the healthy thing to do at this moment is to stop worrying either way and head to bed. At this point? I can't solve whether these feelings are intuition or insecurity so I guess I don't really need to figure it out. What I need to do is go to bed. Sleep on it. Maybe with the dawn and the new day, I'll have a better idea what these feelings really are.

Besides I have to get up at stupid o'clock in the morning 3:30am to be at my sister's house by 4 to get her off to the airport. Oh the things we do for love. ;).

Peace,

MarKate

2 comments:

Jeanne said...

Not to dismiss the overall message of your post... but it reminded me of one of my favorite poems by Shel Silverstein. Is that what you were thinking too, with your "whisper" reference?

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
“I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong.”
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What’s right for you– – just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.

MaryKate said...

*smile* I have read Shel but hadn't thought of that poem! It's perfect <3