All Full is Half Full!


21/100


My sister is over at my house for her birthday. After she puts the final touches on her paper we plan on watching Star Trek the 2009 movie. I made her her favorite dinner from when she was a kid - enchilada casserole with lettuce and sour cream. I'm not going to put in photos... but let's say it's flour tortillas, ground beef, cream of chicken, cream of mushroom, enchilada sauce, a can of green chilis and lots and lots of cheese. Baked. For 45 minutes. It's not just comfort food, it's incredibly delicious and an homage to our mom.

Tonight, I kept the cheese to a minimum and the sour cream... but OMG..

I had one helping. Now, I'm sitting here? Wanting about ten more. *breathes deeply*

Earlier today, I was just talking with a friend who has been sober for 22 months. He's been under stress lately and today he was telling me it's taking all his willpower not to have a drink. I told him to remember to breathe. To remember that the stress of others isn't his stress. To remember that just because people around him that he loves are going through difficult times, doesn't mean he has to succumb to the stress and give in to old habits of numbing the anxiety he is feeling.

It was so easy for me to blather on with advice. But here I sit. Dreaming about going back into the kitchen and getting another serving of that casserole. And the words I typed to him today? Are coming back to me. I was going to say to 'haunt' me, but really it turns out it is more to inspire me.

I sit here. I hear my body. It is full. And I am trying to remember to breathe. I had to go put the food away and I had a couple extra spoonfuls of casserole. And we had dessert. I can't say tonight was a stellar performance. But I didn't rush out and have that second helping. I didn't give in to that craving, I sat it out and took a deep breath.

So, maybe it's just one breath at a time. I'd like to say I was perfect and didn't sneak one extra bite. But I keep reminding myself, this journey isn't about being perfect. This journey is about learning to recognize old patterns and choices and learning to make new healthier ones. It's not to beat myself up when things aren't perfect. It is that exact 'bad' vs. 'good' duality I am trying to step away from in the first place.

(Insert break of 5 hours...) So yay me for at least the half step I made. My sister stole my computer for 5 hours to work on her paper and I was STILL able to get my blog post up before the end of the day!

And in other news? My little Mii has started to have some success in the Wii Fit world. So, yeah, I guess when I look at it, I'm gonna see recognizing that I was full and not overeating as having that glass half full... :)

Peace,

MaryKate